April 05, 2012

Pity Party, Table for One?

At least I was prepared for it. Resisted my bladder complaining at me at 5 AM and stayed in bed until 6:45. Glass of wine at the ready, I tested. Oh, did I forget to tell you guys I started spotting yesterday? Yeah...so I decided to test today and get it over with since I already knew the outcome. Nothing starts your day right quite like a negative pregnancy test and a drink.

Thankfully I have this wonderful community which helps me keep perspective. I know of situations far worse than mine, more confusing, more frustrating, and more heartbreaking. So I can't be too upset I guess. Just have to nurse my wounds and avoid human contact for the day.

I'm afraid Dr. B will keep pushing ovarian drilling even though I ovulated. I was open to surgery as an option if I failed to respond to the trigger, but now that I know it works, why would I want to a.) go under the knife for the first time in my life and, b.) take *another* TTC break of 2-3 months?

I'm anticipating AF on either Sunday or Monday, so hopefully we can get things moving for the next cycle quickly. And here's what I get to panic about this time: I ovulated one time on 100mg of clomid, but the very next month, the same dosage did nothing. So just because 100mg clomid and a trigger shot worked *this* time, won't keep me from pessimistically believing that its not going to work next time. Life is just *ducky* in my head right now.

12 comments:

  1. Make that a table for two, please!

    Sorry for the BFN this morning, but I know you expected it (which doesn't make it any easier to see).

    You are in my thoughts <3

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    1. Oh no, you too?? Damn, I was really hoping it would work for you! Well, pull up a chair, there's plenty of wine (and whine!) to go around.

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  2. Sorry to hear your news. Each failed cycle is so hard :(

    Have you thought about getting a second opinion? (I haven't, but many have suggested it.) Another doctor might see things from a different perspective, and that could be helpful. Maybe.

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    1. This was my first cycle with Dr. B, so I'm gonna stick with him for a while.

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  3. I once heard someone say, "Your broken back doesn't make my broken arm hurt any less." All brands of infertility suck and I think we all deserve a personal pity party day every once and a while, especially on test day. I'm sorry for the BFN. K.

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    1. That's a good point, thanks Kristin

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  4. So sorry about your bfn. You're right, there are many worse situations but it doesn't make this one any easier. Hang in there.

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  5. Ugh, I'm sorry. I love that you had a glass of wine ready...I may have to follow suit if this cycle doesn't work out.

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  6. I'm sorry hun I know it is not the results you were hoping for. But it is good new that you responded to the trigger! That is progress!

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    1. You're right, I am very glad the trigger worked and though I don't have proof of it, I'm fairly certain I have ovulated every month so far this year. And that's exactly what I was hoping and praying for, so I am thankful :-)

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  7. Ugh just because you were expecting it doesn't make it any easier...and sometimes I feel like I tell myself I'm expecting it to be negative to protect myself but deep down that hope is very much alive...just started following you and look forward to rooting you on through your journey!!! Enjoy that glass of wine (or 3)!

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    1. Thanks, Lindsay! And welcome :-) DOn't mind all the bitching and moaning recently, its a cyclical thing, LOL.

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