I don't feel a whole lot better. I assumed that I was in such a pissy mood yesterday afternoon because I was stressing about Dr. B's office not calling me. I assumed I was still pissy after they called because it was rather annoying that they waited until the very end of the day. Also because someone I work with is inadvertently driving me CRAZY with how high maintenance he is. But this morning, everything is aggravating me. I went to my weight lifting class, happy to expend all my angry energy on the different machines.
I didn't feel a whole lot better. I just felt like crying instead of wringing someone's neck. I know this is hormonal, I know this isn't really how I feel. But I'm so, so sad and angry because this is how I get before AF rears her ugly head. And my boobs aren't sore anymore. At all.
I lost, the PCOS won. I even saw my one dark chin hair trying to grow back yesterday. ::sarcastically:: Thank you testosterone! Not only do you make it impossible for me to get pregnant, but you're also trying to turn me into Danny DeVito! Gosh, you're talented!
I know that women with PCOS have good odds of eventually getting and staying pregnant. Most of the PCOS blogs on Mel's Blogroll have become parenting after infertility. That should make me happy. But for some reason, I just can't believe it will happen for me. I can see myself living childless. Not happy, exactly, but not really *unhappy* either. I've lived a fulfilling life without children up to this point, I guess. I could keep doing that with only occasional bouts of depression.
I'm not saying I'm giving up, I'm just....not in a good place in my head thanks to all these rotten hormones. I don't even want to test Friday. But if I don't, I can't drink until AF shows and how will I get through Easter dinner without alcohol? (since I'm not expecting the Witch until Monday). I was hoping that promising myself alcohol if this didn't work would soften the blow. But then, I also thought I could protect myself from getting my hopes up too much. I never assumed I *was* pregnant, but it was nice to not have any proof to the contrary.
Oh honey. Try not to count yourself out yet. Coming from someone that throws in the towel by 2DPIUI, I feel a little hypocritical saying that. But like you said, the odds are in your favor. It may not be this cycle (but maybe it is!) but more than likely at some point it will. Just look at your sister. xo
ReplyDeleteI know how very hard this waiting period is. I'm sorry you are having a tough time with it right now. The most I can say is, it's not over til it's over...so try to busy yourself with other things over the next few days. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteI'm in the same boat with respect to testing. I just can't do it. Oh, silly hormones I hate how much they rule our lives.
ReplyDeleteYES. The world is a giant landmine during the 2ww. I try to steer clear of things that are apt to make me explode, but really it is everything. Last night it was my rollicking blood sugar, thanks to Met, the evil beast. I'm testing on Friday, too. We don't have much of a chance this cycle, but I like to test early and get if over with. Cheers to survival!
ReplyDeleteGood luck on Friday, I hope your results are better than I am expecting for myself. And just in case, have your favorite vice at the ready to comfort you!
DeleteHoney I'm right there with you. I think we are close to the same dpo. I have no symptoms, my boobs are no longer sore, and I plucked a dark hair from my jaw this morning. I know I am not pregnant this cycle and it sucks. But you are right, if you only have PCOS you DO have a good chance of eventually getting and staying pregnant...its just the waiting part that we have to deal with.
ReplyDeleteAww, damn, you too? I guess it will be nice to have a cycle buddy this month at least. I am glad you are still ovulating on your own! What's it like to be trying without a doctor all up in your sexual business?? ;-)
Delete