April 12, 2012

All Quiet

I keep meaning to write, but then I don't. I don't know that my heart is in this cycle. I feel myself going through the motions, just barely. My CD3 ultrasound was so early in the morning that I wasn't even awake enough to ask the questions I needed to. I had to track down what pharmacy had my clomid scrip because I didn't realize there were refills on it (Dr. P never gave me refills). I still haven't called to order my ovidrel refill.

I've been so tired this week and poor M is having the worst luck lately. Today alone he's gotten 2 rejection letters, found out there are over 100 applicants for a job he *really* wants (the one at my university), got scheduled for a one-day class on the Saturday we were supposed to celebrate his birthday with a bonfire, and left his keys at home. And I can't spend the evening pampering and babying him as I'd like because I had already scheduled to to do two big errands with my sister that she can't do alone.

So, not really a good time in the house of Curly Sue right now... Things feel rather...desolate and kind of hopeless. Not in a melodramatic way, but more in a dull, colorless way. Maybe stagnation is taking its toll. We're working towards our goals, but they don't seem any closer despite our efforts and the passage of time. I still can't get pregnant, M still can't find a job, therefore we can't afford to move forward with anything else in our lives.

I really hope we can shake ourselves out of this funk soon. I don't *like* feeling down and gloomy and I especially don't like it when M is sad. He can make me laugh even on my darkest days, but I can't seem to repay the favor. When he's in a mood, nothing makes it better. Nothing I know of, anyway. And then I feel bad that I can't make him happy again. See how this is a self-perpetuating cycle of gloom we have going on??

I will try my damnedest to find something happy to post about, I swear!

1 comment:

  1. I know how challenging failed cycles are and the resulting feeling of blah-ness. I can only imagine how adding the stress of your husband's job situation makes it worse. Thinking of you!