Waiting

I am not a patient person. I *hate* waiting. I especially hate waiting when the duration of the wait is unknown. Like waiting for my appointment at my GYN's. Sure my appointment time might be 9:30, but that's not when I'll get called back. And no one knows when it will be. I can wait for an anticipated movie to come out, because it has a release date. I *know* how long I have to wait, and I *know* that wait gets shorter the more time passes.

Infertility affords one with many intangible things to wait for. Wait for your period. Wait to ovulate. Wait to see your doctor. Wait to stop spotting. Wait to take a test. Wait for cycle after cycle after cycle to get pregnant. The waiting wouldn't be so hard if you *knew* these things would happen, or *when* they would happen. But you might not ovulate. You might not get your period. And all but one special cycle will fail to give you a take home baby (if you get one at all).

If I only knew how long the wait would be.

I know I've read that same sentiment from so many other IF bloggers, but it really is the crux of all our pain. If I only knew whether it will eventually, or will never, work. If I only knew how long it would take. Then I could get through this with a smile. Then I wouldn't cry at every pregnancy announcement, every failed cycle. Then I'd *know* the wait gets shorter the more time passes - instead of wondering if I'm wasting my time, my money, and my emotional energy.

Dr. B's office finally got back to me and told me to, get this: wait. Let's just wait and see and if in 2 weeks I have what looks like another period or if the spotting continues, then they'll bring me in for an ultrasound and blood work. Sure, let's just wait and see. The spotting has gotten much more under control, but its definitely still going. For now, I've calmed down and I don't feel like ripping my hair out. But I imagine that will return before the 2 weeks is up. God, I'm impatient.