February 16, 2012

Fun with Infertility

If you can't laugh at yourself now and then...well, then...you're just too serious... (I think there's a maxim there that I just can't remember the other half of).

There are times when IF and PCOS loom so large over me, blocking out the sun and every happy thought I've ever had. If I were in a Harry Potter book, my bogart would appear as a giant, useless, poly-cystic ovary. And I know I'm not the only one who feels it creeping into every aspect of my life, coloring all with a gloomy palette. I give into those feelings more often than I should, but sometimes (I wish I could say frequently) I am able to find the humor in all this craziness. My sister, J, and I have been known to go off on IF humor tangents that probably cause other people to look at us with some concern for our sanity. So here is a sampling of the humor you can find in your own flawed reproductive organs:

In my sillier, more lighthearted moods, I can be forgiving enough to think that my ovaries aren't misbehaving on purpose - they're just a bit flighty and daffy. And a little selfish. Prone to forgetting what they're supposed to be doing mid-way through a task. And highly anthropomorphized.

 I like to imagine my ovaries like a small child playing outfield in a baseball game where they get distracted making daisy chains in the grass. "What was I doing? Eggs? Making eggs? No, no, no, I'm making daisy chains - see? Pretty!"

Poly-cystic ovaries are often referred to by the pattern of cysts: There's the classic "string of pearls" and also "chocolate chip". J and I giggle to no end making up scenarios where our ovaries are alternately making fancy pearl necklaces or baking chocolate chip cookies. "I made this pretty necklace, are you happy now?? What do you mean you want to take it? Its MINE- You can't have my pearls! I try and I try, but there's just no satisfying you!" - Its also kind of ironic that I have "string of pearls" ovaries and one of my hobbies is jewelry making. J has chocolate chip ovaries and she's a great baker!

I never knew this, but your ovaries can *move*! One of J's ovaries has been known to get lonely, so it goes and visits the other one, making ultra-sounds rather entertaining at times. It tries to engage the uterus in conversation, but the uterus doesn't like it much.

Speaking of uteri (uteruses? uterese?), my dear mom had hers removed a few years ago. She wasn't sorry about it at all because it was causing her a lot of pain and problems and her wonderful Dr. said she could keep her ovaries (which is a big deal, I guess). While J's ovaries are highly mobile, my mom's always stayed in place, blissfully unaware of the others' existence because there was this big uterus in the way. With that gone, they spotted each other for the first time and, to our reckoning, were quite horrified - kind of like a cat being startled by the "strange" cat in the mirror for the first time.

Soooo there you go! You now know *way* too much information about my female family members' reproductive organs. And you know that we have a pretty weird sense of humor. Maybe its because we're a medical family - raised by 2 nurses and all...nothing is sacred. So, am I completely abnormal, or does anyone else think of their ovaries/uterus as having a personality? Does it help you make light of an otherwise dark situation?


  1. I've never heard the chocolate chip analogy! I like chocolate chips way more than pearls!

  2. Ovaries can move???? I had no idea! Well if I were an ovary I would probably go over and talk to the other ovary, too! It must get lonely in there when nobody else speaks your language or appreciates your pearls :)

  3. I love your analogies! My uterus definitely has a cranky personality. My left ovary is very friendly but my right likes to hide during ultrasounds. It does help me keep my sense of humor to anthropomorphize them, I agree!

  4. Never thought about it like this but it's good for a laugh! Thank you!