February 07, 2012

Out of Control

I lost it big time when I got home from work yesterday. I'd barely set foot in the door before I broke down sobbing. I had worked so hard to keep it together in my office for the last hour and a half of the day - I guess I didn't have it in me anymore. The doctor's office still hasn't called me and I'm *still* spotting and so I feel completely out of control. I'm anxious all the time, constantly worrying "will it get worse? Will it get better? Do I have a pad in my purse if I need it...?" And I'm so afraid that something is wrong, something besides the PCOS; another hurtle to have to overcome. Its insane! So I sat on the couch sobbing my eyes out while poor M just held me. I apologized for being crazy and he just hugged me and said I had nothing to apologize for. I am so lucky this man was stupid enough to marry me.

I didn't feel much better after crying, just kind of numb and a little angry. Unfortunately, I had agreed a week ago to attend a bible study class with my sister last night because it was a guest night. It was probably the last thing in the world that I wanted to do, but I went anyway. I kept reminding myself to not be rude to the sweet women who were only doing God's work. We mustn't bite their heads off just because we're in a bad mood; that's not their fault. Even if their overly-saccharine sweetness grates on the nerves like glass shards... I survived and thanks to my sister's wonderful sarcasm, I was even starting to feel human again by the end of it.

My sister gave me the nurses' email address for Dr. B's office yesterday. So I have now called and emailed about my problem. I really really really hope they get back to me today. I'm so tired of feeling out of control.

6 comments:

  1. AHHH!! I spotted for THREE WEEKS one time. Then I had two weeks off of spotting and then spotted again for three weeks. Once I started taking the progesterone supplements after I ovulated the spotting seemed to stop. It may be a quick fix like that, you never know... I hope the nurse calls back!

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    1. Thank you for commiserating with me - its good to know mine is not the only body that spots like crazy!

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  2. You poor thing :( Is there any way that you could call to the doctor's office in person? It's ridiculous that they've left you waiting this long.

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  3. Oh, I hate that feeling! I've been there before too! Just worried about what else could possibly be wrong... :/ It's miserable I know. I'm sorry you had that day. I hope today is going better! And I hope they get back to you ASAP! :/

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  4. I'm so sorry honey. My heart broke when I read this post. I know that feeling of panic and pain all too well and I don't wish it on anyone.

    You need to call your clinic again. It's not right they aren't responding to you. Just remember, they are there to care FOR YOU- so don't be worried about "disrupting" or "annoying" them. Clearly, this is something they need to address.

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    1. Thank you so much for your support. I'd really be lost without this community. I am trying to remain calm and wait until next week to call if the spotting hasn't stopped. I thought it was going to, but I just had 2 *very* light days and then it went right back to spotting as much as it had been. I *will* get answers.

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