I lost it big time when I got home from work yesterday. I'd barely set foot in the door before I broke down sobbing. I had worked so hard to keep it together in my office for the last hour and a half of the day - I guess I didn't have it in me anymore. The doctor's office still hasn't called me and I'm *still* spotting and so I feel completely out of control. I'm anxious all the time, constantly worrying "will it get worse? Will it get better? Do I have a pad in my purse if I need it...?" And I'm so afraid that something is wrong, something besides the PCOS; another hurtle to have to overcome. Its insane! So I sat on the couch sobbing my eyes out while poor M just held me. I apologized for being crazy and he just hugged me and said I had nothing to apologize for. I am so lucky this man was stupid enough to marry me.
I didn't feel much better after crying, just kind of numb and a little angry. Unfortunately, I had agreed a week ago to attend a bible study class with my sister last night because it was a guest night. It was probably the last thing in the world that I wanted to do, but I went anyway. I kept reminding myself to not be rude to the sweet women who were only doing God's work. We mustn't bite their heads off just because we're in a bad mood; that's not their fault. Even if their overly-saccharine sweetness grates on the nerves like glass shards... I survived and thanks to my sister's wonderful sarcasm, I was even starting to feel human again by the end of it.
My sister gave me the nurses' email address for Dr. B's office yesterday. So I have now called and emailed about my problem. I really really really hope they get back to me today. I'm so tired of feeling out of control.