Distractions

When I told Fertility Friend that I had taken an HCG shot, it advised that I manually override ovulation and put in my own date. I haven't done it yet. I can't - not until I get my progesterone results proving I did in fact ovulate. Yes, I'm that neurotically concerned that I didn't. I don't have any real reason to assume I didn't (other than being burned in the past), but even the symptoms that I am feeling now can't be trusted because they could just be the trigger shot. My EWCM went away, my boobs are sore, and the nausea has continued off and on (though not nearly as bad as Thursday). All of these things could be from the trigger, so I really don't know anything for sure. I just don't want to assume ovulation, get back negative results, and then that little line on my chart will sit there mocking me. I go for blood work on Friday, but of course I won't know the results until Monday - a whole week of waiting yet.

I've got several options for distractions: The two hour Mad Men premiere was fabulous and there will be plenty of blogs dissecting every word and glance. Plus a new episode next Sunday that can hopefully get me through to Friday (as long as I actually have reason to POAS). There's plenty of work to do at work (if I can tear myself away from all your blogs!) and church on Wednesday. Plus I'll have my nephew for lunch on Friday while my sister is at another u/s. Thank goodness next week is Holy week. Tons of church stuff to occupy my time *and* M's birthday. ::sigh:: All this still leaves far too many hours to think too much. I should really start another crochet project...maybe that would help.

My mom asked when I will test and when I told her Firday the 6th she said, "Oh that will make for a wonderful Easter!" She actually said that with glee, not sarcasm. Like she's expecting it will be positive. I could only shake my head. I don't have it in me to think like that, I just don't. I already looked at the calendar and counted out the days for the next cycle - when I'll take meds, when I might trigger, etc. I know it sounds terribly pessimistic, but these things keep me grounded. If I get good news from my first blood check, then I'll let myself have a tiny bit of hope and excitement. All I've wanted for the past year and 3 months was to ovulate predictably. And so far I have failed miserably at it. I guess we'll see...