Progesterone pills make me rather aggressive. That has been interesting. I haven't been taking my metformin regularly. I know I'm a bad girl for that. My body will punish me one way or another - terrible acne, random dark hairs cropping up, something. Oh PCOS, you bitch. I can't ever just walk away from you can I?
Today was the dreaded SA appointment. M decided he did want me to go with him as long as I promised not to make the experience any more awkward than it already was. I took the opportunity to drop off my Encyclopedia of Curly Sue's and M's Familial Medical History at Dr. B's office. While we waited for the nurse to call M back, I turned to him and quoted My Big Fat Greek Wedding: "Any second now you're gonna look at me and go, 'Ha. Yeah, right, you're so not worth this.'" I kept apologizing for him having to be there. "I'm sorry that because *I'm* broken, you have to be here doing this." In the end I suppose it wasn't so bad; M got through it and he didn't seem too scarred. I just feel bad for being the cause of all this...infertility...mess. I'm anxious to find out the results. I'm pretty terrible at being patient.
Last week they took more blood from me than I thought was legal. A few days ago I had a piece of my uterus clipped out. I have been enduring painful procedures and tons of probing for well over a year now. I never apologize to my husband. That's not to say that I'm not sympathetic when he has tests though. But when we repeated the 'through sickness and health' bit of our vows, they was talking about this. No one person in the relationship should take blame. Actually, blame should not come into play at all.
ReplyDeleteFingers crossed on the SA results.
*we* were talking...
DeleteEesh, I need to proofread before posting.
I know I shouldn't blame myself. M certainly doesn't. And I did tell him that I go through plenty of crazy procedures on my end. I still can't help feeling a little bad. If the SA comes back normal I'll feel MUCH better about the whole thing.
DeleteThe progesterone made me SO UPBEAT! I had so much energy, I was so happy, so positive, nothing was bothering me. As soon as I got my official blood-BFN (which was devastating) and I stopped the progesterone, literally the next day I was crying uncontrollably, and would spontaneously start crying for the few days after that. So weird how hormones affect mood so much :(
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way about being broken. All of our issues seem to be on my end, (the SA came back excellent) so I feel a lot of responsibility. Plus I am an emotional mess in general, not just about infertility. I wonder how much easier my husband's life would be if he married someone much less complicated to be with.
Dude, I want your reaction to progesterone! Sounds way better than my aggression (especially considering how frustrating work has been this week). I think dealing with infertility makes me even more thankful for my husband. I mean, I feel bad that he is stuck with me and my broken ovaries, but thank God I'm going through this with a wonderful, understanding man! I can think of one ex-boyfriend who probably would have divorced me...
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