I don't know if its because I was raised by two nurses, or if its a control thing, or maybe an infertile thing, but it irritates the crap out of me when doctors' offices give you answers like "mildly sub-fertile" "not consistent with ovulation" and other equally ambiguous statements masquerading as useful information. Dude, just give me the NUMBERS. I'll use my google-fu and figure out the answers, thank you.
I didn't expect to hear anything about M's SA until we met with Dr. B tomorrow. Well, the results were also sent to Dr. P's office and they decided to give me a call. The results show, in Dr. P's opinion, we are working with "mildly sub-fertile" sperm. O-kaaaay... What am I supposed to do with this information? What was it? Motility? Morphology? Total quantity?? Liquification?? YOU HAVE TOLD ME NOTHING.
::deep breath:: Honestly, I'm handling the (lack of) information very well. I expected I might cry, or get grumpy or moody. But I have continued about my day in much the same way I expect I would have if the office had not called. And I haven't told anyone either, which is strange for me. I'm one of those people for whom something isn't real until I share it with another person. Although, I guess I am sharing it here with whoever (whomever?) is reading... Nah, you guys don't count ;-)
We have our big consult with Dr. B tomorrow and I can pry the specific numbers out of him, so I don't want to worry about it until then. This does give me about 24 hours to worry about how M will react to the news. I've suspected I would have fertility issues since my body tried to kill me in the 8th grade. Then my sister was diagnosed PCOS a year or two ahead of me, so I had time to get used to the idea that this might be my world. It came on gradually over time, coalescing into a diagnosis in 2006. I don't know what it would be like to have no idea something was wrong and then be slapped in the face with "mildly sub-fertile", whatever the fuck that means...
Dr. P recommended IUI, that's about $1400 per cycle. I don't know how I feel about that. Thank God we are taking a break right now. It gives us time to digest all the new information and come up with an informed decision and plan. And money. It gives us a little more time to come up with all. the. MONEY. Fucking infertility.
On a related note, if you are the praying sort, please keep M in your prayers. He has been looking for a job since November and the *perfect* job just came open at the university I work for. If he got this job...God, I'm afraid to even dream about the amazing possibilities. We'd certainly be able to afford a few IUI cycles, that's for sure. So, yeah, prayers are welcome and appreciated. How's everyone's ICLW going? I'm loving it! ;-)