July 02, 2012

That Girl

I'm going to make a confession here and I ask that you please not judge me. When I entered my temp into Fertility Friend today, it gave me solid cross-hairs. That's not the confession. The confession is that, after many false cross-hairs, I don't put enough stock in them to act like I'm in the two week wait. I just popped 800mg ibuprofen for a killer headache. I washed it down with some caffeinated soda. If I feel like it, I'm going to have a beer sometime in the next two weeks.

I cannot go back into the same obsessive patterns of behavior I used to do. Only to be let down again? No, not gonna happen. Now, I'm not going to intentionally do anything crazy. I'm not gonna go on a bender. A friend's birthday is coming up and M already asked if I would be the DD so he could relax. I'm cool with that. But I'm not going to cut out ALL caffeine, ALL alcohol, ALL N-SAIDS or whatever drugs it is people stop using when they hope and pray they might be sort of maybe very early pregnant. I did that, every month, for many months. All but 2 months it turned out I never even ovulated. Screw. That.

People who drink coffee still get pregnant. People who have a glass of wine with dinner still get pregnant. When you find out you are pregnant, then you stop doing those things.

I've tried doing things one way, now I'm going to try a different way. If I go back to my control freak tendencies, I'm just going to spiral out of control and then go on a rampage when, in 7 days, my temps tank and Fertility Friend takes away my cross-hairs. Fortunately, there are no pregnancy tests in my home. I will not be purchasing any unless my temps stay elevated for 16 days and I don't start spotting.

I know that cutting out non "pregnancy approved" items during the 2WW is the smartest route to take when you are actively TTC. I've just been burned too many times to believe this is for real. Please don't judge me for taking this little risk. I have to do it for the sake of my sanity.

14 comments:

  1. I agree with not stopping whatever you are doing during the 2ww. The embryo isn't even attached to your body for most of that time, anyway! AND, continuing to do what you would do will help you "relax" HAHA. GOOD LUCK!!!

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    1. Thanks :-) And you're right, any hypothetical embryo won't even attach until 7DPO or so - I'm definitely in the clear for a few more days!

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  2. Zero judgement here. Hell, I had a celebratory glass of wine after my last IUI. Smartest thing to do? Eh, I dont know. But what I do know is that you need to keep LIVING your life during this process. I like that you have the gumption to stand up to infertility and filp it the bird.

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    1. Im also going to cross my fingers that those crosshairs are the real thing.

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    2. Hey, girlie, what's up with you? I realized you haven't updated in a while - hope all is well!

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    3. I've been out of town on a business trip so things got a little hectic. Update coming soon. Pinkyswear.

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  3. Dude during my last TWW I drank SO much coffee and soda. I went hot tubing 3 times. I ran my little heart out. I was so over acting pregnant during the TWW, I mean "normal" people don't have to do that shit? Why should I? Maybe the key is not caring. I don't know.

    I'm so happy you got crosshairs though! If nothing else it is wonderful that ovulated on your own! I say have a glass of wine to celebrate ;)

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    1. I laughed so much at your comment. Had a little "clutching my pearls" moment when you said you went hot tubbing, LOL! Clearly it didn't matter one little bit ;-)

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  4. Yeah, I never "act pregnant" during the 2ww. I don't do anything too out there anyway. And the first time I got pregnant, I was drinking one cup of coffee in the morning, which is normal for me and which I still do. I have a glass of wine with dinner . . . sometimes two if it's been a bad day. People get pregnant all the time without changing their habits. I know I'm not normal, but that doesn't mean no wine with dinner is going to MAKE me normal. I went sans caffeine for a little while, but it didn't get me pregnant. In fact, when I started drinking coffee again, THAT's when I got pregnant (and had another miscarriage, but it wasn't the coffee's fault).

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    1. Exactly! I'm so glad that so many people agree with my train of thought - it really helps me feel better.

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  5. Go, you! I don't see any reason why you can't indulge a bit. The 2WW is miserable. I salute you for doing something for yourself and protecting your sanity. Still hoping you get good news at the end of it, though! :)

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    1. Thank you! I've been feeling random twinges today and I am doing my best to ignore them. This will be the least stressful TWW since I started TTC, I swear!

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  6. Women do all kinds of crazy ish after they've ovulated and their fine. Save your sanity, lady, have a coke. Have a rum & coke.

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    1. LOL, thanks! My mother-in-law is pawning off a big bottle of Jack Daniels on me, so I may just do that!

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