June 18, 2012

Still Waiting

Fortunately, the up-for-a-challenge side of my brain won out in my last little freak out. I'll be fine. Moved a little money from savings, added up all our expenses for the next 2 weeks and informed M we are under strict rules to not spend extra money without my okaying it with the bank account balance first. We'll get through.

So remember the mystery spotting that had me all worked up back in late January/early February? And then I had AF all on my own? I'm going through exactly the same thing again. I've been spotting for, gosh, maybe over a week now. Some days red, some days brown, but always there. I'm hoping this results in AF eventually. It would be nice if it happened, oh say Monday or Tuesday of next week and I could call Dr. B's office... I won't cry if it comes earlier though because the spotting is seriously wrecking my romantic relationship with M. Way not cool, body. I've had a little cramping today, so maybe that's a good sign.

I got good news in my weight training class today! We did the body fat composition test with those pinchy caliper things and mine went *down* from the last time it was tested last quarter! That means there are small, measurable results from all my effort!! That is enough to motivate me for the rest of the class, for sure. I'm still trying very hard to keep carbs to a minimum. I didn't do a very good job this weekend, but every day is a new opportunity. I'm still overall eating *way* less carbs than I did before my May mental breakdown. (This blog seriously makes me sound unhinged, I swear I am a much more even tempered person IRL). I've been going crazy on Pinterest pinning low/no carb recipes. I'm excited to try a recipe for dark chocolate cookies that has no flour and just 2 cups of sugar for a whole batch. Dark chocolate is my best friend.

This TTC break has been so good for me. I know I've said that before, but I keep realizing it in different ways, so it warrants repeating. I was in such a good headspace yesterday after church that I decided I'm going to unhide all the pregnant/new parent friends on Facebook and instead, divide them into their own group on my live feed. That way, I can keep up with them when I know I can handle it, and I don't have to if I'm in a bad mood. That's some real progress there, people. Everyday I feel more and more certain that if this doesn't happen for M and I, it will not be the end of the world. We are awesome people and it would suck to not be able to pass down that awesomeness directly, but I can't do any more than I already am. Its not like anyone could say we didn't try hard enough, so there's no need for me to beat myself up. If we can't have kids, I will take it as a sign from God that its okay to spend the rest of my days lavishing attention on my nephew(s) and any pets we have and hopefully travel the world with my wonderful husband.

As I said, the lesson of 2012 is to let go of the things I have no control over, they will work themselves out. And I'm proud to say I'm doing just that. Most of the time. Its a work in progress... ;-)


  1. Sounds like you are in a really good place! I didn't know facebook had these capabilities of sorting people in the feed...that's nice!

  2. Glad to hear you in a better space. Though I never *wanted to*, the breaks always did my mind good. It was a welcomed relief to not think about TtC 24-7.

  3. Hope the spotting resolves itself soon and you know what is going on. I had spotting a few times mid-cycle and it always drove me nuts.

    Awesome news from your weight training class! Can you post a link to that cookie recipe you mentioned? I am SO over gluten free flour so a flourless cookie (especially with dark chocolate) sounds amazing!

    1. http://www.divine-baking.com/2011/04/deep-dark-chocolate-cookies.html#more

      That's the blog with the recipe - I really hope the cookies turn out well. I'm not much of a baker, but then flourless cookies aren't really baking, are they? LOL