Plateau?

My temperature has flatlined at "slightly elevated". Cute, body, real cute. No way to distinguish if ovulation perhaps occurred or if PCOS is just having its fun with me. I'll keep temping anyway just to stay in the habit. I really hope I see AF in about 2 weeks though. I think I'd cry with joy.

Since my pre-op appointment mental breakdown in Dr. B's office I have made great strides in cutting many, many carbs out of my diet. Vengefulness is an excellent motivator in me. If a heavily restricted diet and consistent work out regimen fails to show any improvements in my PCOS symptoms, I will gleefully throw that in Dr. B's face. I am a petty, petty bitch, you can say it. I have almost 100% cut out: all pastas and rice, all chips (potato and tortilla), all cookies and other bready sweets, bread except for the occasional sandwich, cereal, and crackers. There are whole aisles at the grocery store that I try to avoid like the plague. I'm trying out various low carb tortilla options for sandwiches (seriously, a modern human cannot live without eating sandwiches!). Plus, since it is summer, I buy whatever veggies are on sale that week, wash and cut immediately, and divide into baggies to take to work all week. I used to be hard pressed to eat enough veggies, but I'd say I'm eating roughly a cup a day now. All of these improvements have required an increase in our food budget unfortunately. I have to buy so much more protein now because I can't get away with easy starch and carb filled dinner options that are so cheap. Plus, in order to allow me to still snack, we buy nuts, jerky, and other low/no carb snack items. They are definitely more expensive than a bag of chips or a box of cookies. I also buy a meal shake made for diabetics that has *way* less carbs than Slim Fast. That really helps for a quick meal option on the go. And fortunately, M is being wildly supportive of me in this endeavor to eat healthy.

My temp has plateaued and, with it, my mood. I am not in the depths of despair, but I'm not feeling as positive and hopeful as I was last week. I've been fighting some bizarre itchy rash for 2 months now (thank you, blow to my self-esteem that I did not need!) which makes me feel ugly and diseased even though I've done nothing to bring it on. The job posting at my university that M and I were so hopeful about is winding down and we still have no answer from them. They should be making calls to schedule interviews like, NOW. So how come every time he goes to their office and asks for an update, they just say "its progressing". If they *know* he is not on the interview list, and just don't want to say anything and are waiting for HR to spit out the form rejection emails...I will be hard pressed to not go to that department and cuss someone the hell out! We are so insanely anxious about this process, I would hope they'd have more of a soul than to string him along just because its a little uncomfortable to have to tell someone to their face they were cut from the process. We are making long term plans for M to go back to school as something to do while he looks for a job. The worst thing a person can do is be well and truly unemployed - I've seen several news articles about how long-term unemployed people are being passed over for jobs they qualify for. As long as M is a student, he can keep his part-time student job in the lab on campus. And that's better than nothing. Also better than retail or fast food since he can claim he is gaining experience in his field of study-ish. Unfortunately, this means more student loans. The past 6 months have taught us that we are ever so slowly sinking without financial aid to pay his school bills. This is not where we expected to be. Its really not. We did everything right, so why is there no job? Not even any interviews. I just fail to understand what is going on with the over 100 hiring processes that M has put in for. Unemployment can be just as random and meaningless as infertility, it seems.

I work very hard every day to not focus on the things that are going wrong or taking too much time. I try to focus on very small and simple things that are within my control and make me happy. My crochet makes me happy, organizing and cleaning out the apartment makes me, well feel useful, not really happy. We're pretty sure we could survive another year without M finding a job as long as we can get some financial aid for school. Beyond that...Well we could always move in with family I suppose...