June 12, 2012

Plateau?

My temperature has flatlined at "slightly elevated". Cute, body, real cute. No way to distinguish if ovulation perhaps occurred or if PCOS is just having its fun with me. I'll keep temping anyway just to stay in the habit. I really hope I see AF in about 2 weeks though. I think I'd cry with joy.

Since my pre-op appointment mental breakdown in Dr. B's office I have made great strides in cutting many, many carbs out of my diet. Vengefulness is an excellent motivator in me. If a heavily restricted diet and consistent work out regimen fails to show any improvements in my PCOS symptoms, I will gleefully throw that in Dr. B's face. I am a petty, petty bitch, you can say it. I have almost 100% cut out: all pastas and rice, all chips (potato and tortilla), all cookies and other bready sweets, bread except for the occasional sandwich, cereal, and crackers. There are whole aisles at the grocery store that I try to avoid like the plague. I'm trying out various low carb tortilla options for sandwiches (seriously, a modern human cannot live without eating sandwiches!). Plus, since it is summer, I buy whatever veggies are on sale that week, wash and cut immediately, and divide into baggies to take to work all week. I used to be hard pressed to eat enough veggies, but I'd say I'm eating roughly a cup a day now. All of these improvements have required an increase in our food budget unfortunately. I have to buy so much more protein now because I can't get away with easy starch and carb filled dinner options that are so cheap. Plus, in order to allow me to still snack, we buy nuts, jerky, and other low/no carb snack items. They are definitely more expensive than a bag of chips or a box of cookies. I also buy a meal shake made for diabetics that has *way* less carbs than Slim Fast. That really helps for a quick meal option on the go. And fortunately, M is being wildly supportive of me in this endeavor to eat healthy.

My temp has plateaued and, with it, my mood. I am not in the depths of despair, but I'm not feeling as positive and hopeful as I was last week. I've been fighting some bizarre itchy rash for 2 months now (thank you, blow to my self-esteem that I did not need!) which makes me feel ugly and diseased even though I've done nothing to bring it on. The job posting at my university that M and I were so hopeful about is winding down and we still have no answer from them. They should be making calls to schedule interviews like, NOW. So how come every time he goes to their office and asks for an update, they just say "its progressing". If they *know* he is not on the interview list, and just don't want to say anything and are waiting for HR to spit out the form rejection emails...I will be hard pressed to not go to that department and cuss someone the hell out! We are so insanely anxious about this process, I would hope they'd have more of a soul than to string him along just because its a little uncomfortable to have to tell someone to their face they were cut from the process. We are making long term plans for M to go back to school as something to do while he looks for a job. The worst thing a person can do is be well and truly unemployed - I've seen several news articles about how long-term unemployed people are being passed over for jobs they qualify for. As long as M is a student, he can keep his part-time student job in the lab on campus. And that's better than nothing. Also better than retail or fast food since he can claim he is gaining experience in his field of study-ish. Unfortunately, this means more student loans. The past 6 months have taught us that we are ever so slowly sinking without financial aid to pay his school bills. This is not where we expected to be. Its really not. We did everything right, so why is there no job? Not even any interviews. I just fail to understand what is going on with the over 100 hiring processes that M has put in for. Unemployment can be just as random and meaningless as infertility, it seems.

I work very hard every day to not focus on the things that are going wrong or taking too much time. I try to focus on very small and simple things that are within my control and make me happy. My crochet makes me happy, organizing and cleaning out the apartment makes me, well feel useful, not really happy. We're pretty sure we could survive another year without M finding a job as long as we can get some financial aid for school. Beyond that...Well we could always move in with family I suppose...




14 comments:

  1. Do you have a Trader Joe's near you? We buy all our nuts there, because they're so much cheaper. We also use Costco a lot to keep costs down, but you need storage space. (Which we don't have...we use our den/hopefully future baby's bedroom/current pantry.)

    Also, has your husband thought of applying to any and all jobs at the university that he might be hired for...just to get tuition remission? That could be huge, even if the job is not ideal.

    Good luck! Oh, and I hope you ovulated and your period comes as expected, of course :)

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    1. I never thought to check Trader Joe's. Its a little out of the way for me normally, but I drive right past it on my way to Dr. B's office, so I think I'll try them next time - thanks!

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    2. I'm a big fan of TJ's, too. All of their meat is hormone free so you don't have to worry about the estrogens disrupting your endocrine system. Their dairy is also nicely priced. Also hormone free. Dried goods are affordable, as well. Big fan.

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  2. Wow! Good job on the diet changes - I know how hard it can be (especially the adding more protein when you take out things like pasta). I need to follow your lead and prepare veggies right away when I get home from the grocery store!

    As for the job and doing everything right, we were in that boat not so long ago! My husband graduated in May 2007 and was unemployed for a few months (right leading up to our wedding, eek!) and then he took a job that didn't pay well and was not even in his field just to have SOMETHING. He was a double major in Physics and Math and ended up doing an administrative job at a book design firm (not in his interest or training and the pay was TERRIBLE!). That first year of marriage, I was still getting my teaching masters and couldn't work due to student teaching so we became the night cleaning people for the book design firm he worked at for extra money. Looking back, I can't believe that is where we were 4-5 years ago! I would student teach during the day, attend class in the evening and clean toilets at night! After I got licensed and got a teaching job (thank God!) he quit the book design firm job and started tutoring with a tutoring service part time (and made pretty much the same money as at his previous job that he worked FULL-TIME, crazy!). We could only afford bare bones insurance out of pocket for him (it was too expensive to have him covered under my insurance...like $600 just to add him!). Then he got a job as an administrative person (so another answering phones, scheduling flights for big wigs) job at a water treatment company. And then finally (FINALLY!) last August he got a job using his math skills. It took over 4 years after graduation to get there and he went through a lot of depression along the way. But we got through it! I feel like we appreciate things a lot more than we would have if everything came easy. It sure didn't make things easy or always happy along the way, though, and I would never wish that kind of stress on anyone. We felt hopeless a lot. But, again, we got through it by clinging to each other the whole way!

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    1. I am so glad to know that I'm not crazy. It just seems so unfair though, doesn't it? You go to college to get the better job and after all that you are treated to the same options as a kid out of high school. It is very disheartening but we are problem solvers and we will always come up with a way to get by. Thank you for sharing your story with me!

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  3. I made similar diet changes - basically the "phase 2" of the south beach diet. I lost 17lb in 5 months, and my period came back. It didn't come back right away but I think I had a period almost every month for 3-4 months as long as I stuck with the diet (after that first 3 months of adjustment). It was great, I felt really good, but it was harder to stay full. I made my own trail mix by the pound because it was cheaper (I also got my nuts at trader joe's). So... it CAN work, at least for me I think it did! Good luck!!!

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    1. Well, if my thermometer is to be believed today, it appears I may have ovulated. I will try my damnedest to keep up this diet if it appears to help my PCOS, but I know its going to be *VERY* hard during the winter around here. Poor veggie selection and the budget always gets tighter, too. It will be worth the effort if it works though!

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  4. Ugh I can't live without carbs. Stupid PCOS ruins everything, although I haven't been able to get myself to that point yet. I hope you get AF in two weeks and your temp continues to rise!

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    1. "Stupid PCOS ruins everything" - That's exactly the thought that runs through my mind when I go grocery shopping and completely avoid the cereal aisle, the cracker/cookie aisle, and the chips aisle.

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  5. Oh god, the dreaded bbt. I am so thankful for it, but also tire so quickly waiting day after day or it to show signs of ovulation. There are some days that one thing alone determines my mood for the rest of he day. Hoping it is on its way up and this cycle ends soon so you can get back to baby making!!! You can do it!

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    1. It is cruel to be living on the whim of such a tiny electronic device, isn't it? Some mornings I was to throw the thermometer out the window.

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  6. I don't know if there is anything more soulless than the academic job process. Suck.

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  7. If you have to eat carbs ezekial bread, basmati rice. And try oh so hard to go clean and whole! it helps so much!! I have been studying hard on natural ways to reverse the effects of PCOS. and My sister made these changes,and started juicing. she is now 10 weeks prego no meds!! You can do this! check out dr. hymans the blood sugar solution. and PCOS Diva blog! love!

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  8. So sorry to hear how everything is so up-in-the-air right now. Fertility challenges are hard enough to face, without the stress of changing your diet and not knowing whether you husband will get an interview or not. Hang in there. I'm thinking of you!

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