August 08, 2013

*click click click click click*

You know that sound roller coasters make when the train is being pulled to the top of the first hill? That metalic ticking sound that somehow increases the anticipation and anxiety the first time you ride any coaster. Your stomach does flip-flops and your heart starts pounding to the beat of those metallic clinks.

*click click click click click*

Welcome to CD 1. The *last* CD 1. The beginning of the end of my fight for biological children. I've ridden this roller coaster 13 times (not counting non-medicated trips), and I still get a flip-flop in my gut when I crest the top of the first hill. Its all anxious anticipation and trying to remain positive because "this time could be it!" and the side effects from the meds haven't quite kicked in yet so you aren't feeling like shit.

One more ride on the 30 day roller coaster and then I can depart the station, get on with whatever is next. I gotta be honest, I'm having a hard time mustering any hope for this cycle. I chose August because nothing important was happening - no holidays or birthdays could be ruined. But then July ended with a bang and I almost quit my job because I was so fed up with how I (and the other secretaries) have been treated over the past 2 years. I'm coming out of two very stressful weeks, still working my job, trying to keep my head up, but actively seeking and applying for new jobs.

Not exactly the mental and emotional state I hoped to be in to launch my final bid for pregnancy. But we do what we must with what we have. So tomorrow morning I'll go in bright and early for an ultrasound, pick up my prescriptions for the crazy pills, and Monday the real fun starts. I'll be sure to document my descent into madness here for all of you. Should know round about Labor Day if it worked or not - oh, the *irony*!

Won't you join me? buckle your seat belts, pull down the lap bar until its snug, and always keep your hands and arms inside the car for your safety (who even listens to that?). And away we go...

*click click click click click click click*


  1. I'm expecting CD 1 any day soon, so I'll be joining you on the roller coaster of I like to call crappy luck. Hope this ride gives us both what we so long for!!

  2. Crossing my fingers for you sweetie. Please let me know if you need anything!