Did my trigger shot last night around 9:30. Happy birthday to me ;-) IUI is tomorrow morning at 10! Part of me is getting excited and another part of me is hanging back and acting like everything I am doing is part of some ridiculous hobby. "Oh, shooting myself up with hormones? Yeah, its like fishing for me. I probably won't catch anything, but I'm having fun anyway, you know?"
No, it is not fun. But if that kind of mindset keeps me from being depressed, then I'll go with it. At this point, I don't even know what I would do if I got a positive pregnancy test. I've worked SO HARD over the past year to not allow my life to revolve around my IF treatments or planning for any "what if" children that a BFP would probably knock me on my ass and it would take me quite a while to adjust my thinking.
And that's another reason why it is easier to go through a medicated cycle assuming that absolutely nothing will come of it. Because 80% or more of the time, I will be correct.
I like being right, even when its wrong. That's deep.
"And that's another reason why it is easier to go through a medicated cycle assuming that absolutely nothing will come of it. Because 80% or more of the time, I will be correct."
ReplyDeleteWURD. Whenever I find myself freaking out, I just remember that it's a one-in-five shot. For some reason, it helps me feel better...
I think its because it reminds you that you have *very little* control over what happens. I am a control freak and it took me a long time to realize I was blaming myself for every BFN because it meant I wasn't trying hard enough to control the situation.
DeleteLife is so much easier now that I can be like "BFN? Well eff you too, fate - this is NOT my fault!"