November 20, 2014

Agency Visit 2

The more actions that M and I take towards really starting our adoption journey, the more real it begins to feel. Like it is slowly materializing into something solid and tangible after being a ghost of a dream for so long.

Yesterday was the trip to City C for our in-person, one-on-one interview with my favorite agency so far. It was a really good visit, however the distance from our home is a little concerning. Almost 1 hr 45 minutes one way :-\ 

Honestly, I'm a little surprised I didn't walk away from that meeting beaming with certainty that we had found "The One". They take a very hands-off approach to the birth parent/adoptive parent relationship. They don't even send a social worker to attend the very first meeting of expectant mom and prospective adoptive parents. Kind of a throw you into the deep end and you either sink or swim philosophy. Which, I understand their reasoning, but that doesn't mean I think it is the right philosophy for M and I. If this were our second adoption or something, I think I would feel a lot more comfortable being left to our own devices to forge a relationship with the birth parents.

Apart from that aspect, though, I really like everything else about the agency: the way their education and homestudy process works, the fee schedule, the size of the agency and their connections and reputation in the community. Clearly they are doing something right. But there was something about the presentation by the agency in City A that made me feel more comfortable and confident about their commitment to openness and encouraging continued contact with birth parents. ::shrug:: maybe its just a difference of where the birth moms are coming from.

Another thing which can be seen as a positive or a negative is that with City C agency, we need to have our application submitted by early the week after Thanksgiving because their next education series starts in early December. If we miss that one we have to wait until March, I believe. So, we could get started on this process rather quickly, which is nice. But, are we ready to make that decision and jump right in? Around the holidays?

To account for this potential accelerated schedule, we'll be calling the agency in City B tomorrow evening or Monday evening. At the moment, I think the agency in City A has pulled slightly in the lead, but it is very narrow. Their education series is a little more spread out though, and only in the evenings; whereas City C agency has 2 full day courses and then you are done. Scheduling for that is easier than lots of evenings. No pressure or anything, right? Just one of the most important decisions we will ever make.

Does anyone have thoughts on meeting an expectant mother for the first time with no social worker present? Because I think that is my only hang-up that is keeping City C agency in second place.


  1. So if I am being completely honest...I wouldn't feel comfortable meeting a birth parent without any sort of mediator there for the first time. Our first meeting there were two case workers present, ours and hers. So both parties had someone on "their side" to support and encourage them through the meeting. We didn't have any one on one time with our birth mom till the evening after Muppet was born. By then we felt pretty comfortable around her and it worked out.

    I'd say your concern is definitely valid, but I hate to tell you that you shouldn't do it. I'm a very shy person so I needed a mediator at the first meeting, some other people might not. At this point I think you need to have your last meeting and then lay out all the pluses and negatives of each agency. Wishing you lots of luck!

    1. Trisha, I find myself nodding along to your words and agreeing completely. I'm a very outgoing person when I'm in my element, but put me in a room with people I don't know (and don't readily have something in common with) and I become a true introvert. My husband is way more reserved than me - we will have a hard time prying any words out of him in a Bmom first meeting even with a social worker. We are calling the 3rd agency this evening, but I think we are strongly leaning towards the first agency we met with. Thank you so much for your input!!

      (as an aside: how the hell did I miss your post on hair?? Reading it now and I'm sure it will give me lots to think about!)