I love Christmas. No, I mean I *LOVE* Christmas! I'm one of those crazy people who listens to Christmas music starting in November. I wear reindeer antlers to work every day in December. I shrieked with glee when M and I finished putting up Christmas lights on our house for the first time. I have to resist buying tons of new Christmas decorations every year. I am probably an elf that was accidentally raised by humans, truth be told.
Last Christmas I was a little less enthusiastic, unfortunately. I was coming up on a year of TTC, My Great Uncle passed away in early December, and the day of the funeral I got a call from my GYN's office telling me I had failed to ovulate *again*. All that pretty much set the tone for the rest of the month.
This year I got smart - take a break over the holidays so infertility doesn't drag poor Santa and baby Jesus into its black hole of sadness and bitterness. So far, its working out really well. I'm hardly even flinching at baby related things anymore. I was a little worried that Christmas was going to become harder and harder to take every year because so much of the traditions and rituals revolve around children. Instead, I am working to find ways to make the holidays special for M and I no matter what our situation.
In my last post, I talked about focusing on the opportunities I *do* have instead of the ones I am being denied. M and I both have stable, good paying jobs and we have been smart with our finances. That means there's plenty of room in the budget for Christmas spending. The only kids I'm related to to spoil are my nephews, but that doesn't mean there aren't other opportunities to give a child a merry Christmas. The church I attend in my new hometown participates in a program where members "adopt" a child whose parent(s) is/are in prison. They are living with a legal guardian of some kind and money is often tight in those situations. I opted to adopt two kids because, what the hey, I don't have kids of my own to spoil so I might as well spoil these kids who've got it pretty rough. One of my kids asked for arts and crafts so I had a lot of fun going through the craft store picking out a bunch of activities, crayons, coloring paper, etc.
I've also stepped up my charitable efforts in other ways. I try not to pass a Salvation Army bell ringer without donating at least a few coins, so this year I'm trying to put at least a dollar in the bucket every time I pass one. My sister is still adjusting to life with my new nephew, so she hasn't had time (or the energy, really) to get any Christmas baking done. My poor mother works insane hours at the hospital, so she also has little time to spend in the kitchen. So this past weekend I was in the kitchen almost all day, everyday getting a head start on all the cookies and candies we make special for the holidays. M and I hosted all the family for Sunday dinner and we sent each household home with stacks of tins full of treats. I was very happy to be able to do that. Especially the fruitcake I made for my sister - if you think you hate fruitcake, its probably because you've never tried this fruitcake.
So, what traditions and rituals do you have that make this (or any!) holiday special for you? We may not have Elf on the Shelf or school Holiday pageants to fill our time, but there are SO MANY ways we can still make and share merriment! Never forget that! I am keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers as usual and hoping the end of 2012 brings you nothing but good things. I know there are several people (myself included) who are thinking about the next leg in our journeys to build a family and I am particularly praying for insight and peace with whatever decisions we make.
December 03, 2012
November 23, 2012
In All Things, Give Thanks
2012 has been a very challenging year for me. I would like to say it has been the most challenging of my life, but I don't think that's necessarily true. Infertility, financial worries, and M's 9 month long job hunt stole a lot of happiness from me, but at the end of the day, I always had M to hold me while I cried. That alone makes my life now 100 times better than my life before he and I got together.
My bible study class is having a very positive impact on the way I think about and contextualize my infertility. I have always thought of it as a *battle*. I am a *warrior* and this is a fight with a definite position of winning or losing. I was willing to fight tooth and nail for the future I thought I wanted, thought I had to have or else what would become of me?
Its hard to describe how my position has changed. Of course I want a family, of course I want to know what it feels like to be pregnant, to give birth, to breast feed my child. But you know, I also want to tour Europe, start a garden, fix up my house. And very much like wanting to travel and better myself with productive hobbies, my life can still be perfectly fulfilling if I want, but don't have, children. I was focused on the doors that were shutting in my face before and now I can see the doors that stand open now or even the ones that have the potential to open later.
Everyone talks about how having a family requires certain sacrifices and obviously most people are only to happy to make those sacrifices. But through no fault of my own, I may not be required to make such sacrifices. Which may leave me in a unique position to be able to do any number of things that would be too complicated if I had kids to consider. I might be called upon to help out friends or family in a way that only someone without children could - and won't those people be so grateful that I could be there for them? We could spend more money on charitable pursuits and have enough savings to be of help to my nephews or my brother if need be. I could have enough time to start a little suburban homestead with my new, huge backyard full of garden beds.
I refuse to let my infertility be a defining feature of my life and self-image. There is plenty of lemonade to be made from these lemons (oh how cliche...). I was even thinking the other day that by the end of 2013, I will know if bio children are out of the question and I could go back to grad school. I always wanted to be a marriage and family counselor (fun fact: I have completed one year of two different grad programs) and my journey has led me to focusing on marriage counseling for couples dealing with infertility. I never would have considered that before going through all of this, but it makes perfect sense now. I've always felt that people who have gone through a particular trauma are uniquely qualified to counsel for that problem. For example, I could never counsel for addiction because I have never dealt with that personally, so who the hell am I to tell someone "you are stronger than this, you need to take responsibility for this" etc.? If I were in therapy, I would respect the words of my therapist more if I knew they had been where I am. Does that make sense?
Anyway, this was my very long winded way of saying that, despite the darkness of this year, I came to Thanksgiving truly thankful for *everything*, including my struggle with infertility. I think that is some serious progress.
I hope you all had a good Thanksgiving and weren't too harassed by family drama or any conversational landmines care of your infertility experiences. I know the holidays can be a particularly complicated time of year for our community. I am praying for each and every one of you - for strength, for patience, for healing, for rainbows at the end of the rain clouds. It may sound hopelessly optimistic, but I know whatever the end of your journey looks like, there *will* be goodness to find in it.
Oh, and I almost forgot! I started reading a new book after I happened to pick it up while browsing at the book store: What Alice Forgot. I was already in love with the story before I figured out there was an infertility sub-plot. It is *very* well written and I would describe the plot so far as a cross between The Vow and 13 going on 30. If you are looking for a good book to distract from your current cycle or the craziness of the holiday season, I *highly* recommend it.
My bible study class is having a very positive impact on the way I think about and contextualize my infertility. I have always thought of it as a *battle*. I am a *warrior* and this is a fight with a definite position of winning or losing. I was willing to fight tooth and nail for the future I thought I wanted, thought I had to have or else what would become of me?
Its hard to describe how my position has changed. Of course I want a family, of course I want to know what it feels like to be pregnant, to give birth, to breast feed my child. But you know, I also want to tour Europe, start a garden, fix up my house. And very much like wanting to travel and better myself with productive hobbies, my life can still be perfectly fulfilling if I want, but don't have, children. I was focused on the doors that were shutting in my face before and now I can see the doors that stand open now or even the ones that have the potential to open later.
Everyone talks about how having a family requires certain sacrifices and obviously most people are only to happy to make those sacrifices. But through no fault of my own, I may not be required to make such sacrifices. Which may leave me in a unique position to be able to do any number of things that would be too complicated if I had kids to consider. I might be called upon to help out friends or family in a way that only someone without children could - and won't those people be so grateful that I could be there for them? We could spend more money on charitable pursuits and have enough savings to be of help to my nephews or my brother if need be. I could have enough time to start a little suburban homestead with my new, huge backyard full of garden beds.
I refuse to let my infertility be a defining feature of my life and self-image. There is plenty of lemonade to be made from these lemons (oh how cliche...). I was even thinking the other day that by the end of 2013, I will know if bio children are out of the question and I could go back to grad school. I always wanted to be a marriage and family counselor (fun fact: I have completed one year of two different grad programs) and my journey has led me to focusing on marriage counseling for couples dealing with infertility. I never would have considered that before going through all of this, but it makes perfect sense now. I've always felt that people who have gone through a particular trauma are uniquely qualified to counsel for that problem. For example, I could never counsel for addiction because I have never dealt with that personally, so who the hell am I to tell someone "you are stronger than this, you need to take responsibility for this" etc.? If I were in therapy, I would respect the words of my therapist more if I knew they had been where I am. Does that make sense?
Anyway, this was my very long winded way of saying that, despite the darkness of this year, I came to Thanksgiving truly thankful for *everything*, including my struggle with infertility. I think that is some serious progress.
I hope you all had a good Thanksgiving and weren't too harassed by family drama or any conversational landmines care of your infertility experiences. I know the holidays can be a particularly complicated time of year for our community. I am praying for each and every one of you - for strength, for patience, for healing, for rainbows at the end of the rain clouds. It may sound hopelessly optimistic, but I know whatever the end of your journey looks like, there *will* be goodness to find in it.
Oh, and I almost forgot! I started reading a new book after I happened to pick it up while browsing at the book store: What Alice Forgot. I was already in love with the story before I figured out there was an infertility sub-plot. It is *very* well written and I would describe the plot so far as a cross between The Vow and 13 going on 30. If you are looking for a good book to distract from your current cycle or the craziness of the holiday season, I *highly* recommend it.
November 14, 2012
*tap tap* Is this thing on?
Well hello there!
So....what's new?
Actually I *know* what's new with all of you because I have been reading your blogs which are regularly updated because you guys don't suck. I suck because I've been out of it for almost a month Cross my heart, I have been reading, thinking, and praying about all of you! Sometimes I want to leave a comment, but no sufficient words come to me. That is an awful feeling for me, I am *never* at a loss for words.
I won't lie though, having big things other than infertility to occupy my time and mental energy has been just a huge HUGE relief. I didn't even make a face OR inwardly scream when I found out the pregnant girl in my bible study group is carrying multiples. I actually felt bad for her that she is having a high risk pregnancy and committed to praying extra for her.
The house is big and wonderful and ever so slowly coming together and becoming ours. There are dozens of projects I would love to do over the course of our ownership, and hey - if we don't have children I would probably have the time to actually get most of them done. My baby nephew is my new favorite human being. I took a week off work to spend with my sister and my nephews and it was *awesome*. Hours and hours of holding my baby Bradley bear and marveling at how smart and creative Alex is (Alex being the older brother who is 8, almost 9). I am seriously the luckiest aunt in the world.
Taking a break has so far been great for me. I have enough self-esteem problems without throwing my inability to bear children into the mix *every* *single* *day*. I've been dealing with some kind of allergic reaction on my skin all year and I FINALLY think we figured out the culprit: I am allergic to normal laundry detergents and softeners. So I bought all new "Free and Gentle" or whatever detergents and such, spent a whole weekend washing every scrap of clothing I own, and am experiencing exponentially less discomfort. I would really like it if by Christmas I didn't look like a leper anymore. I would also love to shave my legs finally.
Okay, so there's my update. I promise I am keeping up with all of you and I will try to find more things to talk about while I chill from TTC!
So....what's new?
Actually I *know* what's new with all of you because I have been reading your blogs which are regularly updated because you guys don't suck. I suck because I've been out of it for almost a month Cross my heart, I have been reading, thinking, and praying about all of you! Sometimes I want to leave a comment, but no sufficient words come to me. That is an awful feeling for me, I am *never* at a loss for words.
I won't lie though, having big things other than infertility to occupy my time and mental energy has been just a huge HUGE relief. I didn't even make a face OR inwardly scream when I found out the pregnant girl in my bible study group is carrying multiples. I actually felt bad for her that she is having a high risk pregnancy and committed to praying extra for her.
The house is big and wonderful and ever so slowly coming together and becoming ours. There are dozens of projects I would love to do over the course of our ownership, and hey - if we don't have children I would probably have the time to actually get most of them done. My baby nephew is my new favorite human being. I took a week off work to spend with my sister and my nephews and it was *awesome*. Hours and hours of holding my baby Bradley bear and marveling at how smart and creative Alex is (Alex being the older brother who is 8, almost 9). I am seriously the luckiest aunt in the world.
Taking a break has so far been great for me. I have enough self-esteem problems without throwing my inability to bear children into the mix *every* *single* *day*. I've been dealing with some kind of allergic reaction on my skin all year and I FINALLY think we figured out the culprit: I am allergic to normal laundry detergents and softeners. So I bought all new "Free and Gentle" or whatever detergents and such, spent a whole weekend washing every scrap of clothing I own, and am experiencing exponentially less discomfort. I would really like it if by Christmas I didn't look like a leper anymore. I would also love to shave my legs finally.
Okay, so there's my update. I promise I am keeping up with all of you and I will try to find more things to talk about while I chill from TTC!
October 24, 2012
New New New
New house
New nephew
New....hair!
Okay, I realized after I wrote the rest of this entry that I should give you guys a "before" picture as a reference for my hair. This was Halloween 2 years ago (I was Alice in Wonderland). My hair is naturally dark brown and the only color altering I have ever done was a temporary home dye of red (that didn't work well) when I was 13 and using Sun-In to lighten it in the summer (it turns a very pretty golden brown, but lately I don't sunbathe enough to do it).
This was my hair last night after I got home from the salon. I had to wet it and work in a bunch of hair moisturizer after everything I had just put my curls through. Look at that one eye squinching up more than the other - ugh, I get that from my dad. We have the same smile face.
And this is my hair this morning - holy cow red! I haven't washed it of course. I know you aren't supposed to wash right after applying color and I only wash my hair every 2-3 days anyway (its a curly girl thing, trust me, I am not grody and greasy). When I go back in December for my stylist to touch up my roots she's going to add low-lights and high-lights. I'm pretty happy with how it turned out!
So now you can put a face with a blog, weird huh? I always think its strange to see what a blogger looks like after months of reading and coming up with some imagination of what they look like. I never seem to get anywhere close to reality with my impressions, LOL.
New nephew
New....hair!
This was my hair last night after I got home from the salon. I had to wet it and work in a bunch of hair moisturizer after everything I had just put my curls through. Look at that one eye squinching up more than the other - ugh, I get that from my dad. We have the same smile face.
And this is my hair this morning - holy cow red! I haven't washed it of course. I know you aren't supposed to wash right after applying color and I only wash my hair every 2-3 days anyway (its a curly girl thing, trust me, I am not grody and greasy). When I go back in December for my stylist to touch up my roots she's going to add low-lights and high-lights. I'm pretty happy with how it turned out!
So now you can put a face with a blog, weird huh? I always think its strange to see what a blogger looks like after months of reading and coming up with some imagination of what they look like. I never seem to get anywhere close to reality with my impressions, LOL.
October 22, 2012
Good Things Come in Threes?
New house, New nephew, no BFP. ::sad trombone:: Better luck next time, eh?
Closing on the house went fairly smoothly, not too much paperwork to sign, and I think we were done in an hour. Afterwards, I was mentally wiped so we went out for pizza and root beer (since I couldn't have regular beer).
The next day my nephew was born! Bradley William took his first breath of air at 4:27pm on October 18th and I got to be there for all of it! I was *so* happy! He weighed 8lb 12oz and was 20.5 inches long. He also barely cried at all, which really surprised me. He started nursing only minutes after the umbilical cord was cut - he latches on like a champ. His very first article of clothing was a onsie that read "I was worth the wait". The next day he sported another one reading "I am an answer to prayers". I could seriously cry!
Unfortunately, Friday, I woke up to a still very high post-O temp, but very clearly red spotting. I went out for breakfast, distracted myself with Words with Friends, and only let myself cry once I was driving home. Five minutes of crying, guys. I have managed to compartmentalize my anticipated, but still upsetting, BFN into 5 minutes. I don't know whether that should make me happy or depressed... I tested Saturday morning to confirm (mostly because I really wanted to be able to drink to deal with the stress of all these changes) and moved on with my life. Interestingly enough, while playing Words with Friends to distract myself from another failed cycle, I accidentally spelled out with my letters "Fear Not". I decided to take it as a sign of comfort from God and after that made an effort to focus on all the good things that are happening in my life right now.
We weren't supposed to get the keys to the house until this evening, but Sunday around noon, the sellers called us to say they were cleared out and the keys were hanging in a hiding place on the front porch. I wanted to drive straight over, but I had a Zumbathon I promised to attend that was a fundraiser for a baby girl who needs a liver transplant. So M loaded up his car with packed boxes and a I told him I would be down to the house as soon as I could. Between the Zumbathon, my new nephew, getting the house early, and preparing for another long TTC break, I was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted by the time I get to the new house. I curled up on the stairs while M, his mom, and her boyfriend carried things in from the cars. I looked around at all the walls, floors, and fixtures I could see and kept thinking "this is *mine* now!" The first thing I unpacked was the Fall themed wreath for the front door and hung it in its place of honor.
There's still so much work to do. Have to schedule all the repairs the sellers agreed to pay for, have to clean the floors before the furniture moves in on Saturday, have to finish packing... The rest of 2012 is going to fly by in a blur I imagine and I only hope I'm able to spend enough time with my sister and the baby.
One good thing about taking a TTC break for the holidays: I can finally get a steroid shot for these crazy hives!! Ugh!!!!
Closing on the house went fairly smoothly, not too much paperwork to sign, and I think we were done in an hour. Afterwards, I was mentally wiped so we went out for pizza and root beer (since I couldn't have regular beer).
The next day my nephew was born! Bradley William took his first breath of air at 4:27pm on October 18th and I got to be there for all of it! I was *so* happy! He weighed 8lb 12oz and was 20.5 inches long. He also barely cried at all, which really surprised me. He started nursing only minutes after the umbilical cord was cut - he latches on like a champ. His very first article of clothing was a onsie that read "I was worth the wait". The next day he sported another one reading "I am an answer to prayers". I could seriously cry!
Unfortunately, Friday, I woke up to a still very high post-O temp, but very clearly red spotting. I went out for breakfast, distracted myself with Words with Friends, and only let myself cry once I was driving home. Five minutes of crying, guys. I have managed to compartmentalize my anticipated, but still upsetting, BFN into 5 minutes. I don't know whether that should make me happy or depressed... I tested Saturday morning to confirm (mostly because I really wanted to be able to drink to deal with the stress of all these changes) and moved on with my life. Interestingly enough, while playing Words with Friends to distract myself from another failed cycle, I accidentally spelled out with my letters "Fear Not". I decided to take it as a sign of comfort from God and after that made an effort to focus on all the good things that are happening in my life right now.
We weren't supposed to get the keys to the house until this evening, but Sunday around noon, the sellers called us to say they were cleared out and the keys were hanging in a hiding place on the front porch. I wanted to drive straight over, but I had a Zumbathon I promised to attend that was a fundraiser for a baby girl who needs a liver transplant. So M loaded up his car with packed boxes and a I told him I would be down to the house as soon as I could. Between the Zumbathon, my new nephew, getting the house early, and preparing for another long TTC break, I was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted by the time I get to the new house. I curled up on the stairs while M, his mom, and her boyfriend carried things in from the cars. I looked around at all the walls, floors, and fixtures I could see and kept thinking "this is *mine* now!" The first thing I unpacked was the Fall themed wreath for the front door and hung it in its place of honor.
There's still so much work to do. Have to schedule all the repairs the sellers agreed to pay for, have to clean the floors before the furniture moves in on Saturday, have to finish packing... The rest of 2012 is going to fly by in a blur I imagine and I only hope I'm able to spend enough time with my sister and the baby.
One good thing about taking a TTC break for the holidays: I can finally get a steroid shot for these crazy hives!! Ugh!!!!
October 17, 2012
Loss
If I never manage to conceive a child of my own, if I give up on this struggle without ever seeing the coveted two lines on the test, I will try to remember *every day* how lucky I am to have never known personally the pain and grief of a miscarriage. I would hope to heaven this thought can temper my sadness and bitterness. Because I have known *too many* women who have experienced that loss, including my sister, and it nearly kills me every time. I don't know how I could go through it myself. I may never realize my dream of motherhood and there is pain and sadness there, but from my position, it seems so far off and blurry - like a dream that isn't happening to me. But to have that dream realized, however briefly, and then *cruelly* snatched away is a pain more severe than I can imagine.
To those of you who have lived through that hell, or are going through it now, you have my deepest sympathy and my greatest admiration for your ability to keep going everyday. You are so much stronger than you know, stronger than I could ever imagine myself being. And I know that is no real comfort, but I still felt that I had to say it.
To those of you who have lived through that hell, or are going through it now, you have my deepest sympathy and my greatest admiration for your ability to keep going everyday. You are so much stronger than you know, stronger than I could ever imagine myself being. And I know that is no real comfort, but I still felt that I had to say it.
October 16, 2012
Word Vomit
I have a lot of thoughts swirling in my head today, so this is probably all going to be a bit scattered. My apologies.
A few Sundays ago, my pastor did an entire sermon about growing the church through marriage and children. Can I tell you that was my *least* favorite sermon since he preached about the necessity for private confessions? He stuck a little blurb in near the end about how those of us who have tried and failed are basically off the hook, but that actually made me feel worse, not better. My mantra for the rest of the day was "I guess I'll just live out my childless, useless life." My sister even got up and walked out until the sermon was over, it upset her that much. The fact that the rest of the world can hurt an infertile so deeply without even knowing what they did is...well, its maddening.
I am trying so hard to get to and stay in a place mentally and emotionally where I will be okay without kids, but one wrong utterance from one of "them" can send me into a bitter, spiteful tirade. That's not how I want to live out my life. How do I temper my own disappointment in how my life is turning out *and* gracefully and forgivingly handle the random barbs from people who don't know any better? Will it ever get easier? I feel safe within our online community and am able to be even keeled and speak hopefully about the future regardless of whether I have children or not. But out in the real world, I struggle. And I don't want to wear a banner all my life that announces to everyone "I'm scarred from years of unresolved infertility, please think before you speak to me". This issue even scares me off from opening up about my struggles to people because once you open that door, its hard to close it again when the person you confided in starts spewing all those cliche platitudes we all hate so much. I *want* to believe in "normal" people's ability to be understanding and supportive. I want to be able to trust the greater Christian community to support me and pray for me, but in an effort to be "helpful" they can do so much damage.
How can I open up to my bible study group about my experiences when one girl just announced her pregnancy? She's 8 weeks. I was aghast that she would confide in people outside her closest circle that early. I for one wouldn't utter a word until forced to. But if I open up about my infertility, then I risk weekly requests for updates that I have no interest in giving. I suppose I could out myself by spouting some infertility manifesto that explains my situation but also provides a lengthy "Do and Don't" list for them to follow. That sounds very militant and unfriendly though, doesn't it?
On a completely separate note, my sister will be delivering her baby on Thursday. They settled on being induced because the baby simply refuses to stay engaged in the birth canal or whatever. I am so excited and so thankful for this blessing and I just hope I'm not a big emotional mess that day. This may be the closest I ever get to the childbirth experience.
I'm hoping that settling into the new house, helping with my nephew, and the upcoming holiday season will keep me nicely distracted from any lingering negativity as I enter yet another TTC break. In January we will have been trying for 2 years. I never once thought it would take this long or that I'd be this close to giving up. Three IUI cycles and I'm tapping out, throwing in the towel, washing my hands of my responsibility to raise Good and Godly Children, until such time as I am ready to start researching adoption. I still don't know for sure if it is the right path for us, but I will prayerfully consider it.
Hmm, I promised this post would be happier than the last one, didn't I? Hmmmmm........
Please enjoy this oldie, but goldie funny animation: Ebaum's End of the World
A few Sundays ago, my pastor did an entire sermon about growing the church through marriage and children. Can I tell you that was my *least* favorite sermon since he preached about the necessity for private confessions? He stuck a little blurb in near the end about how those of us who have tried and failed are basically off the hook, but that actually made me feel worse, not better. My mantra for the rest of the day was "I guess I'll just live out my childless, useless life." My sister even got up and walked out until the sermon was over, it upset her that much. The fact that the rest of the world can hurt an infertile so deeply without even knowing what they did is...well, its maddening.
I am trying so hard to get to and stay in a place mentally and emotionally where I will be okay without kids, but one wrong utterance from one of "them" can send me into a bitter, spiteful tirade. That's not how I want to live out my life. How do I temper my own disappointment in how my life is turning out *and* gracefully and forgivingly handle the random barbs from people who don't know any better? Will it ever get easier? I feel safe within our online community and am able to be even keeled and speak hopefully about the future regardless of whether I have children or not. But out in the real world, I struggle. And I don't want to wear a banner all my life that announces to everyone "I'm scarred from years of unresolved infertility, please think before you speak to me". This issue even scares me off from opening up about my struggles to people because once you open that door, its hard to close it again when the person you confided in starts spewing all those cliche platitudes we all hate so much. I *want* to believe in "normal" people's ability to be understanding and supportive. I want to be able to trust the greater Christian community to support me and pray for me, but in an effort to be "helpful" they can do so much damage.
How can I open up to my bible study group about my experiences when one girl just announced her pregnancy? She's 8 weeks. I was aghast that she would confide in people outside her closest circle that early. I for one wouldn't utter a word until forced to. But if I open up about my infertility, then I risk weekly requests for updates that I have no interest in giving. I suppose I could out myself by spouting some infertility manifesto that explains my situation but also provides a lengthy "Do and Don't" list for them to follow. That sounds very militant and unfriendly though, doesn't it?
On a completely separate note, my sister will be delivering her baby on Thursday. They settled on being induced because the baby simply refuses to stay engaged in the birth canal or whatever. I am so excited and so thankful for this blessing and I just hope I'm not a big emotional mess that day. This may be the closest I ever get to the childbirth experience.
I'm hoping that settling into the new house, helping with my nephew, and the upcoming holiday season will keep me nicely distracted from any lingering negativity as I enter yet another TTC break. In January we will have been trying for 2 years. I never once thought it would take this long or that I'd be this close to giving up. Three IUI cycles and I'm tapping out, throwing in the towel, washing my hands of my responsibility to raise Good and Godly Children, until such time as I am ready to start researching adoption. I still don't know for sure if it is the right path for us, but I will prayerfully consider it.
Hmm, I promised this post would be happier than the last one, didn't I? Hmmmmm........
Please enjoy this oldie, but goldie funny animation: Ebaum's End of the World
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)