Am I crazy, or just *very* empathetic, for literally crying when I heard the news? I don't care who or what it is affecting, the injustice of infertility makes my heart cry out for them all: "How long, oh Lord, how long??"
My ten year high school reunion was this past weekend. I remember thinking I had plenty of time to get big and pregnant for this ridiculous social event. Cute, huh?
Fortunately there's weren't too many bellies to avoid, and none of my close high school friends are pregnant, so I got rather lucky. I can't help wondering what the 20 year reunion will be like...
One of my girlfriends flew in from New York for the event. We keep up on Facebook, but don't actually have full conversations often. She talked about wanting to get married and hoping her boyfriend of 3 years will finally *finally* propose. She has given him a bit of an ultimatum and described how she sees two futures in front of her: one where he proposes and they can move forward with their lives together - the other where she has to leave him because she's not willing to wait forever. She said its weird living as though both of those futures are true simultaneously.
Don't I know it. I live everyday walking the weird line between a future with children (more likely *child*) and a future without them. I simply don't know which one will come to be, so I have to live and prepare for them both at the same time. It is difficult, but I try to remind myself frequently that no matter what happens *I will be okay*. In this one small respect I guess my faith has grown. I trust God to put me on the path I need to be on and to make me able to handle whatever happens on that path in regards to children.
I'm not sure if there will be a cycle in October. Friday AF showed up much later than she normally would and I completely forgot to call the RE's office to leave a message for an ultrasound. Today is CD4 and I left a message this morning asking about it. I don't know if they will squeeze me in on CD5 and start my meds same day, or if they'll just tell me to sit out a cycle due to bad timing.
At the moment I don't really care. I'm in a terrible mood, work is not helping, and I am so sad that M and I may have to walk away from our dream house because it needs a roof. We submit the post-inspection paperwork to the sellers today and they could take up to 8 days to get back to us. I've gotten a lot better at dealing with disappointment, but it still sucks. We'll just have to see what happens...
Showing posts with label In the News. Show all posts
Showing posts with label In the News. Show all posts
September 24, 2012
August 30, 2012
And its 16mm in the lead!
Next cycle, I think I might come up with goofy horse names for the top 5 follicles or so - then if I have to have a repeat scan I can amuse myself with a horse race narrative in my head XD Anything to keep infertility funny, ya know?
Well, the good news is, one folly took the lead and is still growing. I was kid of hoping for a two-fer, but beggars can't e choosers. I have managed to, so far, avoid the Femara discussion. The Guru told me to start OPKs Friday or Saturday and I may ovulate Monday. We'll see. I suppose I should start writing down my temps each morning in order to get a better idea of when/if I ovulate. Labor day may be Sexy Time day in my household ;-) Yeah, that was a lame joke...
So I've been researching gluten-free diet restrictions, in case my skin biopsy comes back positive for dermatitis herpetiformis. Not cool, guys, not cool. Goodbye pizza, goodbye fake crab which I lovingly refer to as K-rab, goodbye beer unless I can track down one of two non-shitty gluten free beers available in the U.S. Thank GOD I don't have celiac disease where gluten could give me all kinds of scary symptoms. I think, I HOPE, if I give up the major gluten offenders (many of which I have already cut out or cut down on to be low carb), then I can still get away with sauces, dressings, marinades, and other tasty liquids which are laced with gluten. I just might get a little itchy if I over-indulge. We'll see if that is in fact the case. This is going to make eating out at restaurants very....interesting.
Also, did any of my fellow PCOSers see this? I don't watch Dr. Oz or The Doctors or any of those medical daytime talk shows, so I guess I'm behind the curve. But my PCOS Awareness group on FB posted the link to this research article. I'm willing to be a guinea pig! Found a reputable lab that sells this supplement online and am thinking of trying it out. Its just so damn frustrating to be eating WAY healthier than the average American and STILL be over-weight! My sister has lost around 15 lb. during her pregnancy, despite not changing her diet (she already ate well) or exercise. Her doctors keep reminding her "While you're pregnant, the PCOS is kept in check, all your hormones are behaving themselves, so it makes sense that you would lose weight". How sick is this disease??? Ugh!
Anyway, happy Labor Day weekend to my fellow Americans, and regular happy weekend to the rest of you!
Well, the good news is, one folly took the lead and is still growing. I was kid of hoping for a two-fer, but beggars can't e choosers. I have managed to, so far, avoid the Femara discussion. The Guru told me to start OPKs Friday or Saturday and I may ovulate Monday. We'll see. I suppose I should start writing down my temps each morning in order to get a better idea of when/if I ovulate. Labor day may be Sexy Time day in my household ;-) Yeah, that was a lame joke...
So I've been researching gluten-free diet restrictions, in case my skin biopsy comes back positive for dermatitis herpetiformis. Not cool, guys, not cool. Goodbye pizza, goodbye fake crab which I lovingly refer to as K-rab, goodbye beer unless I can track down one of two non-shitty gluten free beers available in the U.S. Thank GOD I don't have celiac disease where gluten could give me all kinds of scary symptoms. I think, I HOPE, if I give up the major gluten offenders (many of which I have already cut out or cut down on to be low carb), then I can still get away with sauces, dressings, marinades, and other tasty liquids which are laced with gluten. I just might get a little itchy if I over-indulge. We'll see if that is in fact the case. This is going to make eating out at restaurants very....interesting.
Also, did any of my fellow PCOSers see this? I don't watch Dr. Oz or The Doctors or any of those medical daytime talk shows, so I guess I'm behind the curve. But my PCOS Awareness group on FB posted the link to this research article. I'm willing to be a guinea pig! Found a reputable lab that sells this supplement online and am thinking of trying it out. Its just so damn frustrating to be eating WAY healthier than the average American and STILL be over-weight! My sister has lost around 15 lb. during her pregnancy, despite not changing her diet (she already ate well) or exercise. Her doctors keep reminding her "While you're pregnant, the PCOS is kept in check, all your hormones are behaving themselves, so it makes sense that you would lose weight". How sick is this disease??? Ugh!
Anyway, happy Labor Day weekend to my fellow Americans, and regular happy weekend to the rest of you!
July 29, 2012
Tick Tock
I didn't pee on a stick yesterday. The OPKs have been so faint as to be laughably negative. And every time I pee on one and see a barely-there line, I feel guilty for wasting the $18 I spent on the box. So I didn't use one yesterday because, at the time, I thought I should conserve them. Then I got to thinking about it and realized if this doesn't work this cycle, I won't be using OPKs in the future because I'll be using a trigger shot...Duh. So I may as well use up all 7 pee sticks now since they only have a shelf life of a few months.
In anticipation of today's OPK results, here's where we stand with symptoms: My temps are *way* way down, which is rather odd. Might be because the hot flashes cause me to throw all the blankets off and then I freeze in my sleep. Or maybe my temps are just legitimately low. Cervix is high and medium for the second day in a row. And hey, *there's* the EWCM I was looking for! A very good amount, that makes me happy. In addition to all that, today I have this strange sensation like I can *feel* my ovaries. There's a heaviness and when I move to sit or stand it is uncomfortable.
Today is CD17, so if I ovulate very soon I am still in the acceptable range that my RE's office likes to see. If I don't ovulate by the end of the week, then I'm going to assume its not happening and I'll have to go back to Dr. B, tail tucked, and admit we should have used the trigger. ::sigh:: oh well.
Other than that I've been enjoying the Olympics all weekend! Loved the opening ceremony - the lighting of the torch was *so* cool and unique! I've watched women's volleyball, beach volleyball, cycling, swimming, and gymnastics. And men's swimming, volleyball, gymnastics (Oh Jonathon Horton, you may be shorter than me but you are soooo cute!), crew, tennis, and soccer. I may even try to live stream events at work so I can listen while I do paperwork. I love the Olympics!
In anticipation of today's OPK results, here's where we stand with symptoms: My temps are *way* way down, which is rather odd. Might be because the hot flashes cause me to throw all the blankets off and then I freeze in my sleep. Or maybe my temps are just legitimately low. Cervix is high and medium for the second day in a row. And hey, *there's* the EWCM I was looking for! A very good amount, that makes me happy. In addition to all that, today I have this strange sensation like I can *feel* my ovaries. There's a heaviness and when I move to sit or stand it is uncomfortable.
Today is CD17, so if I ovulate very soon I am still in the acceptable range that my RE's office likes to see. If I don't ovulate by the end of the week, then I'm going to assume its not happening and I'll have to go back to Dr. B, tail tucked, and admit we should have used the trigger. ::sigh:: oh well.
Other than that I've been enjoying the Olympics all weekend! Loved the opening ceremony - the lighting of the torch was *so* cool and unique! I've watched women's volleyball, beach volleyball, cycling, swimming, and gymnastics. And men's swimming, volleyball, gymnastics (Oh Jonathon Horton, you may be shorter than me but you are soooo cute!), crew, tennis, and soccer. I may even try to live stream events at work so I can listen while I do paperwork. I love the Olympics!
February 13, 2012
The Dangers of Facebook Politics
So, I read this article today and felt so strongly about it that I posted it on Facebook. I included a comment about how BCPs aren't just for contraception and I believe they should be made available to all women who want/need them.
Boy did I start something. First there were just a few "like"s and a "here here!" from my sister. Then the church members started weighing in.... then the church members in support of it shot back. Volley after volley, back and forth. I've had more traffic and more comments on that article post than I've ever had on my Facebook page in the history of my profile!
I didn't know about the public debate taking place on my Facebook page until this evening. I carefully read through every comment, mulled everything over, and made a final comment of my own, upholding my original opinion and briefly addressing the main argument of those who disagreed with me. Now, I'm not catholic, but I am a fairly conservative Christian - Lutheran Church Missouri Synod. And I don't mean to pick on the catholic church. The thing is, I would feel the way I do if it was my own church who was denying BCPs (actually, Concordia Health Care does deny BCPs, to my knowledge). Its just plain irresponsible for *any* employer to deny such a *basic* medical health need for women.
I hope I haven't offended anyone, but these things rarely get me so riled up that I want to speak out online about it. I understand that other people 100% support the catholic church's decision, and you are totally entitled to your opinion. I don't think this is a good and evil battle or anything. And if anyone wants to discuss/debate, then I welcome the cerebral engagement :-)
Boy did I start something. First there were just a few "like"s and a "here here!" from my sister. Then the church members started weighing in.... then the church members in support of it shot back. Volley after volley, back and forth. I've had more traffic and more comments on that article post than I've ever had on my Facebook page in the history of my profile!
I didn't know about the public debate taking place on my Facebook page until this evening. I carefully read through every comment, mulled everything over, and made a final comment of my own, upholding my original opinion and briefly addressing the main argument of those who disagreed with me. Now, I'm not catholic, but I am a fairly conservative Christian - Lutheran Church Missouri Synod. And I don't mean to pick on the catholic church. The thing is, I would feel the way I do if it was my own church who was denying BCPs (actually, Concordia Health Care does deny BCPs, to my knowledge). Its just plain irresponsible for *any* employer to deny such a *basic* medical health need for women.
I hope I haven't offended anyone, but these things rarely get me so riled up that I want to speak out online about it. I understand that other people 100% support the catholic church's decision, and you are totally entitled to your opinion. I don't think this is a good and evil battle or anything. And if anyone wants to discuss/debate, then I welcome the cerebral engagement :-)
January 30, 2012
Homie, Don't Go There
(I don't know why, but that's something my former supervisor used to say).
Did you see this?
Presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich, while talking about how he thinks stem-cell research is a scientific excuse for "desensitizing society to killing babies", also mentioned that he thinks the regulations on frozen embryos in IVF clinics should be reviewed and possible tightened (never mind the fact that that in his previous political incarnation, he totally supported stem-cell research). Ok, lets set aside the stem-cell research part. Its *highly* political and I don't want to go there. I have my views, you have yours, and I'm not in a position to engage in an intelligent conversation about it. No, lets focus on the IVF clinic question. I am offended on behalf of anyone with frozen embies (sometimes lovingly referred to as "tot-sicles"). It is my understanding that the fate of unused frozen embryos is something that the owners struggle with and often agonize over. Keep them? Donate them to a couple? Donate them to science? Dispose of them?? It is a deeply personal decision that I don't feel anyone is in a position to question or look upon with judgement if they haven't faced the issue themselves. And whether he intended to or not, Newt Gingrich bringing up the issue of frozen embies at IVF clinics in the same conversation as stem-cell research, makes it seem like he thinks they are on equally immoral footing. Homie. DON'T. go there!
Thoughts? Opinions? Do you think I'm reading way too much into it?
Did you see this?
Presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich, while talking about how he thinks stem-cell research is a scientific excuse for "desensitizing society to killing babies", also mentioned that he thinks the regulations on frozen embryos in IVF clinics should be reviewed and possible tightened (never mind the fact that that in his previous political incarnation, he totally supported stem-cell research). Ok, lets set aside the stem-cell research part. Its *highly* political and I don't want to go there. I have my views, you have yours, and I'm not in a position to engage in an intelligent conversation about it. No, lets focus on the IVF clinic question. I am offended on behalf of anyone with frozen embies (sometimes lovingly referred to as "tot-sicles"). It is my understanding that the fate of unused frozen embryos is something that the owners struggle with and often agonize over. Keep them? Donate them to a couple? Donate them to science? Dispose of them?? It is a deeply personal decision that I don't feel anyone is in a position to question or look upon with judgement if they haven't faced the issue themselves. And whether he intended to or not, Newt Gingrich bringing up the issue of frozen embies at IVF clinics in the same conversation as stem-cell research, makes it seem like he thinks they are on equally immoral footing. Homie. DON'T. go there!
Thoughts? Opinions? Do you think I'm reading way too much into it?
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